It amazes me how many people decide to put a picture of someone other than themselves as their profile picture. Recently I scanned an old photo of myself at age three and most people on Facebook assumed it was a photo of my daughter. Yes, it's sweet that so many consider us to look similar, but what concerned me was how many people assume that the picture representing me would be a shot of my daughter. Maybe many parents do this since many of us have FB accounts to primarily keep up to speed with family and friends and share the visual tidbits of life. There are certainly many non-parents who also do not have a photo of themselves, but a picture of their pet, favorite cartoon character or celebrity. Then, any of us in a relationship struggle with: should I have a couple shot - if they have one, I should too.... I'm sure it's just another relationship descriptor as couples start off - waiting for the moment you've "made it" to their profile picture.
So, am I conceited because I assumed that my profile picture was supposed to be one of just ME? Looking up the definition of "profile" I figure we're all talking about the meaning: "concise biographical sketch" in this case? Maybe I'm not the only one in a bit of a tizzy since having a child - and I can't separate who I am from who I gave birth to? Or, is "who I am" still as wrapped up in "what I do" as it was when I had an impressive-sounding title on my business card? And, if we do assume it is best to choose a photo with our significant others - are we doing it out of obligation? Because we are all about that relationship? Maybe we just looked best in that photo.
It is a lot to ask of one photo to be a concise biographical sketch of a whole person. Maybe the definition: "a representation of something in outline" is a more accurate take on how we respond to a "Profile Picture" request. And, perhaps, the way we each to select a profile photo reflects a lot more of our true identity than whatever the illustration depicts. Consider the people in your circle who change their photo constantly. What about those that don't take the time to find one and stick with the silhouette? And those who you can tell are taking most of these shots with their own cameras at the end of their fingertips ... I imagine them looking at themselves on the screen and adjusting their expression until it is just so.
Hopefully I didn't just make anyone too hyper-aware of their self-expression on FB. The Facebook experience is so similar to the day we'd sign yearbooks at the end of school. I would have that anxiety that my "closing remarks" wouldn't stand out or that a candid shot was in there somewhere when I had an acne breakout. Here we are, all vying for attention within this intangible meeting spot which provides an anonymous pass into your life. At least, unlike the yearbook, this book is so much bigger, no one is going to happen upon your page unless they really wanted to know more about you. And, isn't it sort of satisfying to think that others want to know more about you? Even if you can't figure yourself out yet?
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
faith
Below is my attempt to respond to a reading from Hebrews Chapter 11. Our Pastor is on vacation and asked a few of us to comment on the reading - I don't normally do this sort of this on my own.
A few weeks ago Pastor Henry asked us to share examples of those who make up our “cloud of witnesses.” Of course, I waited until last night to put some of my thoughts on paper… but it made me consider many characters in my life that have influenced my understanding of faith in God. There are plenty of inspirational heroes throughout history who have lived up to some of the descriptions in Hebrews: the imprisoned, tortured, and gruesomely maimed. However, these sorts of examples were a bit far from my realm of reality to do me much good. As with most significant life lessons, it is not the celebrities from afar who we learn the most from, but those people who we get to see up close, with all flaws apparent. It is in watching people in my life struggle with their faith that has shown me how faith is a process rather than a personality trait.
I learned a great deal watching a college friend who decidedly abandoned all the teachings her Russian Orthodox family packed her with and consequently fell into years of great emotional confusion and physical stress. Now I hear from her as stunningly devout mother, wife and church member who is raising a family grounded in the teachings she previously had cast aside. Since I had known only the wild child, I was concerned that this was just a façade which she had built up to simply be accepted as an adult. After speaking with her however, I realized that I had been a witness to her testing the extent to which her actions proved her worth. After all the rules she had broken, her family and more importantly, her church, welcomed her back and valued her simply because she is a child of God. God’s judgment was not based on her academic standing, her appearance, her language, her associations – He took her back because she had faith and walked towards Him once again. Everything else followed; it wasn’t a drastic personality change – it was a return of faith that repaired the esteem she had in herself as a representative of Jesus.
I believe sincere faith has to be acquired through truly experiencing life, rather than something that can simply be taught. My father grew up in a pious household as a Pastor’s kid, with strict guidelines submitting to Biblical law. Even though he went off to a Christian, Nazarene college, as a young adult his intellect would not comply with the teachings his parents’ religion imposed. He was known on campus to get into debates with professors over the validity of religion. It was clear by the books I watched him study he was always searching for some sort of practical foundation for the passionate faith he saw in his father. At times it seemed, he envied the strength it gave my grandfather and at other moments he pitied his father’s devotion to a God that so often seemed unjust. It seemed that my dad always felt unworthy of a relationship with God since he had broken so many rules. It wasn’t until my father struggled with leukemia that he opened his heart to a faith that had little to do with rules and fairness. As he spent so many hours in hospitals being transfused blood which strangers had offered and sat among children who never knew a cancer-free life, it began to sink in that God isn’t about doling out rewards for good behavior in this world.
While it was painful to watch a disease eat away at my father’s body, it was a relief to see him realize that, while he was haunted with “sin that clings so closely,” if he chose to accept God, God would accept him. I know that he had finally made this choice during our last conversation. He warned me not to follow in his footsteps but to instead, “walk with the King.” The call in today’s reading to: “run with perseverance the race that is set before us” reminds me that faith is not about blindly following instruction, but it is a journey we make together with the Lord.
A few weeks ago Pastor Henry asked us to share examples of those who make up our “cloud of witnesses.” Of course, I waited until last night to put some of my thoughts on paper… but it made me consider many characters in my life that have influenced my understanding of faith in God. There are plenty of inspirational heroes throughout history who have lived up to some of the descriptions in Hebrews: the imprisoned, tortured, and gruesomely maimed. However, these sorts of examples were a bit far from my realm of reality to do me much good. As with most significant life lessons, it is not the celebrities from afar who we learn the most from, but those people who we get to see up close, with all flaws apparent. It is in watching people in my life struggle with their faith that has shown me how faith is a process rather than a personality trait.
I learned a great deal watching a college friend who decidedly abandoned all the teachings her Russian Orthodox family packed her with and consequently fell into years of great emotional confusion and physical stress. Now I hear from her as stunningly devout mother, wife and church member who is raising a family grounded in the teachings she previously had cast aside. Since I had known only the wild child, I was concerned that this was just a façade which she had built up to simply be accepted as an adult. After speaking with her however, I realized that I had been a witness to her testing the extent to which her actions proved her worth. After all the rules she had broken, her family and more importantly, her church, welcomed her back and valued her simply because she is a child of God. God’s judgment was not based on her academic standing, her appearance, her language, her associations – He took her back because she had faith and walked towards Him once again. Everything else followed; it wasn’t a drastic personality change – it was a return of faith that repaired the esteem she had in herself as a representative of Jesus.
I believe sincere faith has to be acquired through truly experiencing life, rather than something that can simply be taught. My father grew up in a pious household as a Pastor’s kid, with strict guidelines submitting to Biblical law. Even though he went off to a Christian, Nazarene college, as a young adult his intellect would not comply with the teachings his parents’ religion imposed. He was known on campus to get into debates with professors over the validity of religion. It was clear by the books I watched him study he was always searching for some sort of practical foundation for the passionate faith he saw in his father. At times it seemed, he envied the strength it gave my grandfather and at other moments he pitied his father’s devotion to a God that so often seemed unjust. It seemed that my dad always felt unworthy of a relationship with God since he had broken so many rules. It wasn’t until my father struggled with leukemia that he opened his heart to a faith that had little to do with rules and fairness. As he spent so many hours in hospitals being transfused blood which strangers had offered and sat among children who never knew a cancer-free life, it began to sink in that God isn’t about doling out rewards for good behavior in this world.
While it was painful to watch a disease eat away at my father’s body, it was a relief to see him realize that, while he was haunted with “sin that clings so closely,” if he chose to accept God, God would accept him. I know that he had finally made this choice during our last conversation. He warned me not to follow in his footsteps but to instead, “walk with the King.” The call in today’s reading to: “run with perseverance the race that is set before us” reminds me that faith is not about blindly following instruction, but it is a journey we make together with the Lord.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
from locks to posts
Interesting how I am now "posting" for all the world to see the notes from my mind that I used to lock away in my diary. I guess since everyone else's business is "posted" 24/7 there is so much noise we all figure no one will care to look. That's kind of depressing. Like streaking across a sports field when the seats are filled with bookworms. Some how we feel like we've "shared" something if we hit submit. Also interesting that we use the word "submit" - are we submitting to a whole new way our society behaves as a result of new communication tools? Are we all OK giving up the art of coffee shop conversations and the magic of eye contact?
Well, now that I think of all this, I wonder if this is the right forum in which I want to have an identity crisis. Not really a crisis I guess, just feeling a bit uncomfortable. Over the past 5 years I've lost a parent, developed and abandoned a professional role as community organizer, taken on owning an online business and most shocking: have become (and am becoming) a parent. When I consider the turn around time for all that, I believe whiplash is understandable. I wonder though, if I take the time to consider how all these activities have altered my position with the rest of the world .... will I feel more comfortable in my skin than I do now? And will I feel even more lost writing such personal thoughts into the ether of endless babble and status updates?
Well, now that I think of all this, I wonder if this is the right forum in which I want to have an identity crisis. Not really a crisis I guess, just feeling a bit uncomfortable. Over the past 5 years I've lost a parent, developed and abandoned a professional role as community organizer, taken on owning an online business and most shocking: have become (and am becoming) a parent. When I consider the turn around time for all that, I believe whiplash is understandable. I wonder though, if I take the time to consider how all these activities have altered my position with the rest of the world .... will I feel more comfortable in my skin than I do now? And will I feel even more lost writing such personal thoughts into the ether of endless babble and status updates?
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