There are many reasons having a child has changed me. The one that strikes me most often is how fun it is to discover how wonderful the world is again. When my 2 year old's "hair is windy" or as she asks me for the tenth time that minute: "What's that sound?"...I am confident that I am giving her the most beneficial learning experience by simply helping her explore the world. The more questions the better, whether I have the answer or not. In fact, I want her to know how important it is to know that we can't know the reason for everything - and that's what makes it all so
wonderful.
Not all
good - but all inspiring awe. I love the Einstein quote:
There are two ways to live your life - one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle. As I watched my father deteriorate with leukemia, I was overwhelmed with a lot of grief and pain. But, because he was taken bit by bit from this earth, I was able to process how remarkable the whole evolution of his time here was. While cancer ate away at him, it allowed all of us the opportunity to tell him what impact he left with us, usually the smallest of acts leaving the biggest impressions. My father made plenty of mistakes, but alongside those are a legacy of learning, laughing and loving which can not be judged, simply experienced. It is that experience that is the miracle we all get to participate in.
As I showed my daughter the seedlings pushing through the ground this spring I recalled how fascinating the process of death is as well. As Dad aged before us 20 years in as many days at the end of his battle, it was totally humbling to realize how fragile the human body is. It helped me to see his body's failing catch up with the hold the medicines and disease had over his mind. Watching for all the clues the Hospice caretakers told us about as the body decides it's time to shut down. All the fine pieces of the human instrument are always working in complete harmony for us most of the time and we never stop to admire it until things start to get out of sync. Life really is the exception... from the time that one sperm fought to make a connection to that egg to every day our immune system takes over the next bug, to the time when this borrowed collection of molecules is ready to get back to the earth and feed new life.
I can be so amazed at mankind's recent technological strides and distracted by the occasional drama of petty personality issues, but to keep perspective occasionally I need to just stop and watch. See what amazing gifts we are allotted every day by simply experiencing life on this planet. When a little girls asks you: "What's that?" and you just see an ant - take another look and consider how cool that is. An ant, who can carry a load hundreds of times it's size, about to join its colony of thousands who live in a sophisticated social system under the ground we walk about all day. It makes me feel small when I consider how amazing the rest of the globe is at what it does. And, here I am just writing a blog while my kid takes a nap. That's OK, maybe my role for today was to help someone else be grateful - even amid pain or confusion. Enjoy the ride.
