While I realize I don't have a large "following," who have been waiting with bated breath for my next entry... I am here to tell my intimate audience that I've returned to my online journal. I had hopped off for quite a while since I didn't want to withhold information - but wasn't ready to blast the unknown tangled web of ether with such personal news: I'm pregnant again! Now that it can't be so private anymore, since I look like I just downed a 12 pack, I figured I's start writing about it to whoever is listening.
I won't give a lot of unflattering details, but being pregnant gracefully is not one of my strengths. I am apt to whine a lot. While I am full of gratitude for the miracle of life that I get to be part of... it strikes me constantly that - yet again, my body is not my own. A long time ago, when I tried to quit smoking, I tried to take on the mentality that body was not my own to trash - it was a gift from God to treat with respect; as if I needed to hand it over. Well, once I started actually caring for my body (quit smokes, exercised, ate better), I got to appreciate the idea that I could be accountable for my own health & state of my body. The benefits of my sacrifices were paying off and I felt more alive. I was getting credit for a job well done. I think moms have to wait a REALLY long time to fully get the credit they deserve for what they put their bodies through carrying a kid. Some other being is in there pushing stuff around - draining the life out of me - and will eventually even ask me to fulfill my mammalian duties! Yeah - it's a blessing to take part in helping someone into the world, a wondrous synergy, a reminder of our place on the planet... but sometimes it's simply a drag to not have your body to yourself for a minute.
I just hit the beginning of the 2nd trimester which is supposed to bring back the energy, happy thoughts & motivation to look presentable... but not sure my body knows that yet. Any minute now. I do not intend to simply get on here and whine - but I needed to get all that off my chest. Next week I'll be back with something to distract myself from the cute alien baby invading my personal space.
